I’m writing this review very late, but in the end nobody wanted to see this film anyway so I don’t feel too bad. What I have to say wouldn’t have improved its chances.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a great big sci-fi film based on a supposedly popular comic book series directed by master of mediocre good-looking films, Luc Besson.
Look at how cool this is! If only it was in a better movie!
The opening sequence of this film is the best part of it. We start with space agencies from around the world coming together to work on a space station similar to the ISS. Overtime the space station gets bigger and eventually aliens show up. Not to invade, but so they can work with us. Then another species shows up, then another and another and so on. The space station then leaves on a journey through the stars.
All this is done in silence, summing up the underlying themes of collaboration regardless of background in a beautiful way. Unfortunately this is the last time I was truly wowed by this film.
The visuals are spectacular, this is an even better use of full-on CGI world-building than Avatar, but nothing else is all that good.
Sequences that have no business being so long go on for what feel like hours, characters come and go without requirement (including a bizarre Rihanna and Ethan Hawke double cameo). And that’s before we come to the problem with the main characters.
These leads are Valerian, played by Dane Dehann and something something, played by Cara Delavine.
Their dynamic has potential as a will-they-won’t-they romantic couple, but they’re so utterly annoying that I just don’t care if the will is even there.
The dialogue is so cliched and dull that I wanted to write the next line on the seat in front of me with blood. That way I could at least pass out by the end of the film.
Visually, this is a really cool film. Otherwise, it’s just a load of distracting, predictable nonsense.
Recommended Scenario: Just don’t bother. A film this good-looking should be must substantive.
Listening to Kasabian while writing this review just feels so right.
Atomic Blonde (coolest title ever by the way) is an action flick featuring Charlize Theron as a spy sent to Berlin in late 1989 to recover some intel which could lead to the Cold War heating up.
Still beautiful, but wow that must have hurt!
This is one of those films with a very definite style about it. Everything has a washed out electric sort of feel. There’s some Guy Ritchie here and Tarantino there.
I don’t feel that it is particularly alienating to the audience, it certainly onnets well to the story and the characters. My only fear is that we get a thousand imitators that don’t get it, down the line.
Theron is all kinds of badass as an actress. While I would like to see her extend her range beyond her particular no-bull taking type, she hasn’t got the nuisance factor I’ve seen in other action ladies (looking at you Michelle Rodriguez).
Here she is in top ass-kicking form. She is definitely action heroine of the decade after this.
He fights and other action sequences are utterly extraordinary. Not only are they exquisitely filmed and choreographed, but they look like they hurt. Our lead bleeds for her goals.
One segment in particular transcends this to near action movie history.
Kind of a non-spoiler, but Theron at one point does get into some girl-on-girl relations.
There is a criticism I have in this and no, it’s not that it happens. It is in that the lady she becomes intimate with is inexcusably idiotic. I suppose she is supposed to be naïve, but she comes across as a moron.
The ending is also a bit convoluted. Blame me for not being smart enough, maybe.
The other thing I’d like to point out is that we need a bisexual spy film for the boys! Come on Hollywood!
Anyway this is a pretty damn good actioner with a kick-ass feel and some superb performances. Keep an eye on James McAvoy!
Recommended Scenario: If you’re in the need of electro-pop, eye-popping action.
If you’re not a Lynch-head, this might not be quite the film you need.
David Lynch: The Art Life is a documentary in which the great artist, Mr David Lynch tells his story as a man who grew up to love painting.
The smoke obscures him as much as his films.
The way this documentary is put together is nothing short of perfect. Rather than a third-person narrator giving us David’s story in interviews and voice-over of the same nature as a How do they Do It? show, Lynch sits in a room and speaks to a microphone, putting forth his life in his words.
This, beautifully intercut with his surreal paintings offer a glimpse deep into the soul of genius.
I must admit that I was more a fan of David Lynch’s films than his other work. Now I want to leap head-first into his bizarre world.
The story covers all the bases of Lynch’s life up until he made his first feature, Eraserhead. However, I’d argue that this isn’t fully about Lynch or his art. As the title suggests, this is about the Art Life. An arresting, powerful force from within any creative when they feel the joy of their craft.
Lynch remains an enigma. At least we can finally see him as a man.
Romantic Comedies can be good. They just have to be more than patronising, unrealistic garbage. Maybe this film can rise above that.
The Big Sick tells the true story of the relationship between comedian Kumail Nanjiani (whose played by himself) and Emily Gordon (oddly not played by herself). Their relationship gets pretty rocky when their cultures clash and when she suddenly falls into a coma.
Ca-ute!
This whole film plays out like some pretty great stand-up material. There is a lot of truth here and a lot of laughs.
Honestly, this is probably the funniest film of the year. This script is written by the real life main characters, Kumail and Emily. It is veritably bubbling with sarcasm, jokes and heart.
I would complain about the ending being a little unbelievable, but then again, it did apparently happen.
This is like a vintage Woody Allen picture, except with a lot less cynicism, but with no lest honesty.
Sorry that this review is so short. Just… uh… take your girlfriend I guess.
Recommended Scenario: Didn’t you hear me? It’s a good date movie.
Dunkirk is the long-awaited epic war film written & directed by Christopher Nolan. It is dedicated to chronicling the Dunkirk military disaster in Word War II. This was when 400,000 British and French troops became stuck on the beaches of Dunkirk, France, awaiting rescue as the enemy approached.
These moments are extraordinary on the big screen!
Despite outward appearances, I’m not a Nolan fanboy. The Dark Knight Rises and Interstellar are flawed films despite their epic enjoyability.
I also think that Christopher Nolan has been fundamentally misjudged as an artist. He’s not “cold” as many label him, drawing comparisons in his films’ tones to the work of Stanley Kubrick. No. He is a director with a tremendous appreciation for the image as Kubrick did, but he is a humanist director, not a cold one. Remember, 2001: A Space Odyssey is about humanity giving way to the next form of life, whereas Interstellar was about preserving human life.
His narratives are actively interested in people. Just because people are doing stuff doesn’t mean that they aren’t expressing the internal. Perhaps because of his big IMAX-sized canvas being so large and all encompassing, cinemanarrative dissonance takes place and we assume he doesn’t care about the small.
Dunkirk goes some way to validating this interpretation.
One of the three storylines over which this film runs takes place on the beaches of Dunkirk itself, following a relatively anonymous young soldier as he tries to get out and survive. We find this boy in a completely impossible situation. At this point, he’s no longer fighting against the Germans, he’s fighting everyone and everything he can, just to get out alive. We don’t even get a “I’m going back to see my girl” reason for this. He just ferociously wants to live. His journey is not bogged down by details, but wracked with nail-biting tension.
This storyline lasts for a week of film-time. So how do you keep that tension at such a high level for about 100 minutes of real-time? You write the craziest timeline I’ve ever seen in a film. We have a second storyline following an old man and his sons as they travel across the channel to fetch stranded soldiers. This takes place over the course of one day, film-time, but still intercuts with the beach. For once, day becoming night in an instant is not the mark of talentlessness, but mastery.
The final interweaving tale is of an RAF Spitfire patrol protecting the boats of the evacuation from the air. In terms of raw emotional power, this is arguably the weakest storyline, but this is not supposed to be overly emotional. This is where Nolan IS cold. As cold, relaxed and clinical as the pilots have to be to get the job done. It’s some of the most thrilling action I’ve ever seen in a plane.
On the beach we see such desperation from our brave sons. Everytime they try to escape, their boats are bombarded by an invisible enemy. All this is underscored by the tick-tick of some of composer Hans Zimmer’s best work yet.
The boat is the Homefront. The family on-board are under no illusions as to the danger they are heading into, but they’re going in anyway simply because it’s the right thing to do. This is not a patriotic war film, but it is definitely a celebration of humanity at its finest.
This, in my view, is a culmination of Christopher Nolan’s filmography to date. I think that finally I can put him further up the ladder of great filmmakers. Watching Dunkirk, you not only see a great, thrilling, intimate war film, probably the best conflict WWII film of the century so far, but you also get to understand Nolan’s style and substance even more than before.
Nolan’s threeway editing from across most of his films comes to a head here. Maybe David Lynch is wrong. Maybe duality is not a part of life. Maybe it’s triality.
Maybe we are all the young men on that beach and the fishermen trying our best despite the odds to help them and we are the artisan pilots of the Royal Air Force, finely cutting through the sky to do good by humanity.
Do you see what this movie has done to me? It’s left me utterly breathless. This is a masterwork.
Recommended Scenario: If you want unbearable tension and moments of beautiful humanity.
P.S. Yes, Harry Styles was excellent, now go see this.
Sophia Coppola is back with a feminist period piece and not a rock song is in sight.
The Beguiled takes place during the American Civil War and follows a school of soon-to-be southern ladies as they take in a Union soldier, injured in a battle. As they nurse him back to health, things get a bit complicated.
A lot of women in candlelight in this picture
Ms Coppola is a mixed bag auteur for me. She has a whiff of Tarkovsky about her, but without the spiritual chutzpah. I loved Lost In Translation, but had real mixed emotions about Marie Antoinette. One can certainly no longer pull out the nepotism argument. Her style is unique and quite interesting even if it does have its issues. My hope is that this movie can swing me into being a full-on fan.
This film slowly burns through the tension like any one of the many candles in the house that acts as setting to its series of events.
We end up not fully liking either this soldier or the women and girls attending him. As soon their appears to be a Jane Austen style romanticism to this tale, the rug is pulled from under us and we are treated to something much more frightening.
The Beguiled’s position in the Civil War is gorgeously realised by having the guns fire just out of frame. Just like in war, we patiently await the inevitable and just like in war, that wait might be a bit much for some.
This is easily Coppola’s most accessible film I’ve seen so far. And don’t worry, it’s a pretty good’un.
Recommended Scenario: If you want beautiful costumes and deadly suspense.
For a moment there I genuinely thought that they would run out of “Somethings” to be Something of/for the Planet of the Apes. Luckily the number of English nouns is vast.
War for the Planet of the Apes starts a few years after Dawn. The Apes are in the middle of an all out war for survival against the Humans. Caesar has to best his demons and a ruthless Human Colonel, played by Woody Harrelson.
You may be cool, but you’re not intelligent ape holding a shotgun cool!
My relationship with this franchise, in particular with the reboot trilogy of the 2010s has been a beautiful but complicated one. Upon first seeing the trailer for Rise, I thought it looked stupid and weird. Then the film came out and I liked it. Then Dawn came out and I liked it even more. Then I started to think about these films’ contrivances and I started to waiver. Then I heard about this movie and I became mega-stoked.
Perhaps a little too stoked. While watching this film there was the odd moment I hated. Generally it was a moment that could have been rescued with better execution. A character moment designed only to make you remember them when they die a few minutes later happens more than once in War. Some exposition becomes clumsy. The connection to the broader franchise is as confusing as any other link in its bizarre chain. These nit-picks plus a personal ailment of mine I was suffering from while watching all added up to an acute nuisance.
However, this movie stops this nuisance getting in the way using one simple trick. Being bloody amazing!
Of course Andy Serkis, once again using performance-capture technology to portray Caesar, the chimp leader of the apes, is amazing. Yet in WOTPOTA he goes to a level that would make it sacrilegious for him not to receive at least a nomination for some prestigious award.
Both his performance and the tech supporting it has improved to such an extent that one really feels his presence as a living, breathing ape.
War also acts as a near-perfect trilogy topper for this little section of POTA. Both the humans and the apes are pushed further to extremes than ever. Both not only hate one another through misunderstandings based on their personal experiences, but for objectively understandable reasons.
The Human Colonel I mentioned at the beginning of this review has to be one of the best antagonists I’ve seen for years. The debt owed to Apocalypse Now is clear to see and in this Colonel, Kurtz’s ghost looms large. (We even see some graffiti in the background saying Ape-ocalypse Now!)
I have no idea where the Planet of the Apes franchise is going to go from here, nobody ever does. I just say that this trilogy has ended well and I’m sure to look back at it for years to ocme.
Recommended Scenario: If you want to see the best trilogy since Toy Story.
15 years and SIX Spider-Man films? Is this one that catches lightning in a bottle and sprays it with webbing?
This time, Spidey is trying to find his identity as a Superhero and impress his father-figure Tony Stark (aka Iron Man) and deal with all the issues of being a High-School teen and fight a new baddie in the form of the Vulture, played by Michael Keaton.
That suit is just endlessly cool!
Our titular web-slinger for this evening with all these problems is played once again by young Tom Holland. This kid is a joy to watch as Spider-Man. He feels like a teenager who just wants to help and is a little out of his depth. That’s exactly what I want my Human-Spider to be.
The challenges he faces as a teenager feel real, even when they go into Hollywood cliché. This is because those moments are few and far between, the gaps are filled with genuinely good High School writing.
The action is also pretty sweet. The creativity on show is phenomenal, all elements of the Spider arsenal are on show, integrating well with the comedy.
That comedy is not distracting or crass, though one could argue it makes the tone not quite dark enough. On the other hand, at least the tone is consistent, high praise indeed these days.
To me, this is a film about living in a world with the Avengers being real. It’s a pretty meta affair when you think about it, considering an MCU Spider-Man film has been what we’ve been asking for all this time.
Speaking of meta, Michael Keaton as the Vulture? Birdman as Birdman? Love it!
This is easily the best Spider-Man film since the original Spider-Man 2 and in some respects actually does better than that film.
I do miss some of the schmaltziness of Raimi’s magic from those old films, but I left the theatre with a smile on my face.
Recommended Scenario: If you’re in for an action-comedy and you’ve seen Baby Driver too many times this week (if that’s possible).
It’s been 4 long years since the last of the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy came out. Edgar Wright hasn’t given us another directorial effort since. When I heard about this movie I became irrationally nervous. The man is one of the top 5 filmmakers working today. Maybe I’m just scared the bubble will burst. Let’s see if it has.
Baby Driver tells the story of Baby, a near-supernaturally gifted getaway driver with Tinnitus who plays music to drown out the ringing in his ears and provide a rhythm for his driving.
I can never get those earphones to fit. He rocks them though.
That rhythm also goes into the film itself. The Baby Driver OST is the best movie soundtrack of the decade taking old and new songs in a way that doesn’t just work to keep the audience from being bored or for structuring “moments”, but is there as a building block for the beat of a scene. It’s glorious.
I love this film. This is the movie that proves once and for all the talents of Edgar Wright as a writer and director. The car chases are the best I’ve seen in years, the writing is quality and the performances are class.
Like David Fincher’s transformation over the years from Fight Club to Gone Girl, Wright’s style has not lost its edge, but it has moved further to the back, maturing like a fine wine. It’s not like The Cornetto Trilogy or Scott Pilgrim where you couldn’t escape from his twisting of conventions, we see now times when things return to relative normality.
I’ve run out of things to say. Go see the film.
Recommended Scenario: If you want a rip-roaring original summer flick.
Just so you know, my Dad was the one who insisted on seeing this film. He now owes me!
This is the third version of The Mummy released by Universal. This time we have an evil Egyptian Princess called Amanet whose resurrected from the dead to do evil things up against treasure hunter Tom Cruise.
Oh god! The enchantress from “Suicide Squad”!
Nothing about this film entirely works. Right from the opening minutes where a bunch of Knights’ tombs are discovered while Crossrail is being dug and Russell as (get this) DR JEKYLL comes in and thinks a monologue to himself about the antagonist’s boring backstory. All the while a guy says, “digging for the tunnel has been moved 100 yards north”. WOW! We are in for a ride of disappointment.
Tom Cruise plays an unlikeable treasure hunter called I-Don’t-Care who along with two even more unlikable friends, one of whom he slept with and he won’t shut up about it, find a tomb in the desert, take the sarcophagus onto a plane which crashes in a cool way, unfortunately not killing them.
Everything about this film is tonally inept, laughably asinine or boring. The writing is crap, the direction is bland, the CGI is dark and silly.
This whole enterprise feels like an unpolished first draft to an unfinished script. They forgot to have a look at it. It is also a rushed attempt to make a reboot of the original cinematic universe, that being the Universal Monsters.
They’d better up they’re game if they’re going to make this franchise work. Hey, DC may have had a renaissance recently, anything could happen!
Recommended Scenario: Any other The Mummy film but this one. Maybe the cartoon TV show.
